The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
