Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
