Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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