Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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