What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
