you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
