I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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