There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
