I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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