I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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