Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
