new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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