Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
