Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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