I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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