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That's how twitter works, right?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
