Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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