I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
