Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
