so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
