sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
