I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
