I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
