Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I can text with my tongue
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
