tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
