tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
