I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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