If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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