No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Sorry about my life...
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
