Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
