I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Woke up backwards on a recliner
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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