i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
