Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
