All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
