I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
