had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
