Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
