For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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