your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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