I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
