dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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