Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
