I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
