Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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