1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
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