you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
This is classic penis vs brain.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
