How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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