Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
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