it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
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Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
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Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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