OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
