He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
