His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
