We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
