Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
