I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
