He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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