i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
