remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
