I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
