she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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