Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize