check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
