Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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