i just wanna soil my oats bro
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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