the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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