Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
