I think I am morally bankrupt
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
