He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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