Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
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I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
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Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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