Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
