I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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