woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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